Why asking for a favor makes people like you more
It sounds backward: to make someone like you, you should ask them for a favor, not do one for them. This is the Ben Franklin effect. When we help someone, our brain resolves the cognitive dissonance of helping a stranger by concluding, "I must like them, otherwise why would I do this?" Benjamin Franklin famously used this trick to win over a hostile political rival.
The Pennsylvania Assembly and a Rare Book
In his autobiography, Benjamin Franklin recounted a political challenge he faced during his time in the Pennsylvania legislature. A formidable rival legislator had delivered a speech strongly opposing Franklin's appointment to a clerkship. Rather than showing servility or returning the hostility, Franklin decided to try an unconventional psychological tactic. Knowing that his rival owned a rare and curious book in his private library, Franklin wrote a polite and respectful note asking if he might borrow the volume for a few days.
The rival sent the book immediately. Franklin read it and returned it approximately a week later, accompanied by a letter expressing strong gratitude for the favor. When the two men next met in the legislative chamber, the rival approached Franklin and spoke to him with great civility for the very first time. The two men formed an enduring friendship that lasted for the rest of their lives. Reflecting on the encounter, Franklin cited an old maxim: he that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.
The Logic of Cognitive Dissonance
Franklin's observation remained an intuitive folk insight for centuries before experimental psychologists developed a formal theory to explain why human minds behave this way. The primary modern explanation rests on Leon Festinger's theory of cognitive dissonance, which describes the psychological discomfort people feel when their actions contradict their beliefs, attitudes, or self-image.
When an individual performs a favor for someone they do not particularly like or know well, their internal state encounters an apparent contradiction: 'I went out of my way to help this person, yet I do not care for them.' Because the action has already occurred and cannot be undone, the brain resolves this uncomfortable tension by adjusting the underlying attitude. The mind rationalizes the behavior by concluding that the recipient must actually be decent, worthy, or likable, because helping an unworthy or disliked person would imply foolishness or hypocrisy.